This journey....

August, 2008... My husband took this photo on our last trip to Port Aransas. Stepping away from the computer and schedules we'd take time out to just walk the beach, holding hands... listen to the ocean and talk about our future... The first summer after he was gone my daughter, her husband and two dogs went with me. Last summer, I went alone. This summer... I don't know what it will look like, I just know I'm going.

I look at this girl in the photo and it's not the same person I see when I now look in the mirror. The girl in the photo has eyes which dance, filled with love for life, and for the man behind the camera...

Th girl I see when I look in the mirror, her eyes are filled with questions on what her future is all about. Who is she now that she stands alone, without the man who filled her life with love?

I pray that the sound of the ocean next month will bring peace... listening to the silence to find balance...

the wisdom of Dr Seuss

Only you can control your future. ~ Dr. Seuss

I would rather do almost anything than get a shot. Needles have always freaked me out as a kid, a mom, and as an adult. Totally makes me queezy whether the needles are on TV, in real life focusing on me, or especially when it's been focused on my family... So last month when I purchased a Groupon for an initial consultation and first treatment, totally voluntarily mind you, I thought wow, I've snapped... definitely couldn't understand what in the world I was thinking...

Getting extremely nervous while in the waiting room for my appointment with Vanessa I almost bolted out the door.

I'm so glad that I didn't.

It's been an amazing experience. Powerful. Unexplainable. Magical.

For several years I felt like I had been zapped into someone else's body. My whole person had been shattered. I withdrew. It seemed that the world was spinning and no one even remembered that I existed. I stopped reaching out to people. Being happy was no longer in my reach. When I was filling out the paperwork preparing for my first acupuncture visit, my responses clearly validated that I had no idea who I was anymore. When I first met with Vanessa and trying to explain my world, tears flooded my eyes, my heart raced with emotions spinning, it was overwhelming.

She told me my heart was weak with sadness. "Why don't you give yourself permission to cry?" she asks... my response, it doesn't help anything, nothing changes...


My journey alone has been like searching for the invisible. Like the energy vortexes in Sedona. Their energy was powerful, mystical and definitely unexplainable.


And now, I really can't explain yet Acupuncture is somehow sorting through my shattered emotions... helping me find the strength to begin living rather than existing...

Lesson learned... follow your instinct, not your fear...