Our Adventure Book

The lenses we view life through continually oscillates during our journey. We enter different chapters of life which can change our role, how we think and what we view as top priorities. Why is it we often forget to make the shift of deleting the old priorities before adding new ones?

Somehow without our even realizing, our hectic schedules become filled with what we think we are supposed to do. We don’t place a priority of what we want to do with our life. We think there will always be tomorrow.

My husband and I had plans and dreams for our future. When he died, all of our those plans and dreams left with him. My list of priorities became a blank page. My heart was broken in accepting that our tomorrows together would never be. My lenses of life became blurry as I listen to the silence and search for direction.

The movie “Up” offers us a gentle reminder. With a special zest for life, Ellie always wanted to take a trip to Paradise Falls. She had brochures and photos and it was clear her excitement on someday going to this magical place. Her marriage with Mr. Fredrickson however kept going in other directions and the trip was never made.

Filled with regrets after she dies, he looks with through her “My Adventure Book” with deep sadness. Yet in the photos it is obvious the adventures of love and happiness they shared as they grew old together. On the last page she offers him a special gift of wisdom… ”Thanks for the adventure – Now go have a new one! Love, Ellie”

My goal now is to keep my list of priorities extremely simple…

Live in today. Quiet my mind.

Carefully choose how to spend my energy.

Learn how to just be.

Happy Birthday to My Husband

Today is my husband’s birthday. Celebrating this day was always a special event. His personality was such I called him “my baby boy” as he never grew too old to have silly fun. One year I surprised him with horseback riding on the Buffalo River. Down a dirt road in Yellville, Arkansas, we celebrated at this small B&B surrounded by nature. One year with our eyes filled with tears, we celebrated life attending the funeral of a young lady very dear to our heart, the daughter of a life-long friend.

His birthday in 2008 was another celebration with tears. The day before, after three emotional weeks in the hospital, I had brought him home. After a quintuple bypass in January, his heart was getting weaker. His cardiologist had called in a specialist from the transplant center, which the nurses referred to as the heart failure clinic. His favorite nurse hugged him goodbye saying “If anyone deserves a new one, you do.”

Never did I imagine that would be his last birthday on earth. Last year I celebrated his birthday with him, and yet without him. His ashes at home, are inside a beautiful hand carved wooded box. Two crucifixes lay on top, gifts from the priest who married us and presided over his Funeral Mass.

And now 2010. I feel like a wreck. I feel more devastated than last year. I don’t choose to be sad. I don’t want to be sad. I pray that his strength will help me better accept my life without him here.

Celebrate Love and Life.

Powerful words I am trying so hard to embraced with passion.